How does change affect your family? Get some ideas for smooth transitions! Ages and stages and current events.

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Are you tried of saying No! Get some ideas for ways to reduce your use of this word. Including ages and stages and current events!

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Ways to be TV savy, current events and more!

Mar-April10

Solo Summers

Challenges Facing the Single Parent

By Heather V. Long

For some children, the end of the school year will mean a move to a new classroom. For others, it may mean choosing a camp or a recreational program followed by a new class or school in the fall. Summer might also mean vacation travel, hot days, iced tea, family, friends and a swimming pool.

But for parents, summertime means more than just childcare and scheduling, it means balancing needs with wants. In the case of single parents, this might seem like an onerous task, but they are facing the same challenges that every other parent does with the onset of summer: What do we do now?

“The first rule of thumb I always tell single parents is that they should start making summer plans right after they put their Christmas decorations away,” says Leah Klungness, psychologist and co-author of The Complete Single Mother (Adams Media Corporation, 2000). “February is a good time to look for the notices for things and to start planning as early as possible.”

Summer can mean a change in the regular childcare program. For school-age children, it may mean more outdoor play and exploration as well as extra water play from bubble making to swimming. There will be new faces at the local daycare as familiar staff take vacations and substitutes join the program for the summer. Parents should make notes of changes with any programs their children are involved in so they can be prepared for any adjustments their children may need to make.

“Thoroughly investigate local community resources,” says Klungness. “Community agencies – don’t think that you are calling up and bothering them. Also, I recommend that parents should network with other moms at daycare or school and see what their plans might be and what suggestions they might have.”

“During the summer, I got off work at 5 p.m. every day,” says Mary Lane Cryns of Mountain View, Calif., and mother of three. “Right after work, I’d pick my daughter Megan up from either her school or summer day camp program, we’d dash home and grab our swimsuits. Then we’d drive to either Lake Success or the Tule River and swim for at least an hour.”

“Remember that your child’s age is your only guide to summer plans,” says Klungness. “Some 12-year-olds might be ready for sleep away camp, some are not. Some 8-year-olds are ready for a full day away camp and some are not. You have to know [the] maturity and interest of your children.”

Lazy days spent swimming and bonding with family can create some wonderful memories for the future. It’s a time not only to just enjoy the beautiful weather, but also to relax and enjoy each other. “Just because summer is an outdoor time, your ‘bookwormish’ son may be more interested in books and music than a four-week soccer camp,” says Klungness. “Check out the local library. They may have summer programs that your child might enjoy.”

Single parents who feel like they are the only ones in worrisome circumstances should look for other parents living close by and see if pooling resources is an option. Not only should they try to reach out to other single parents, but also any other parents they know, including stay-at-home moms and dads. They might want to barter for swapping time so that everyone’s kids can benefit. “Every parent, no matter their circumstances, has a ‘what are we going to do this summer with the kid?’ [discussion],” says Klungness. ”These same kind of discussions go on with most parents for their kids for the summer.”

“I always dreaded summers because that meant no school and trying to figure out what to do with the kids while I worked,” says Cryns. “In fact, I still have that dilemma with Megan because she’s only 10 years old and I can’t just leave her alone all summer. I’m looking into the local rec center, because it’s cheaper than the Y and other summer day camp programs.”

When dealing with dual custody, summertime requires that parents employ good organization and planning ahead. There is this idea of relaxing in the hammock with a lemonade, but it can be tough if no one has planned. If you are the custodial parent, you need to plan with the non-custodial parent to know where both are. Make sure that there is no chance to mess up or make other plans when one or the other is responsible with the kids. Calendars with days demarcated are a good way to help both parents plan ahead.

“You may be able to use distant relatives, who may live greater than a day’s drive. Maybe if you live in the city, a teenage cousin can come visit to do some stuff in the city while your kids go to see suburban life and country living,” says Klungness. “I really do think that most communities in the summer [provide a plethora of activities, and] it’s a matter of ferreting it out for free to low-cost activities that can be taken advantage of. The problem is to get an adult to go with – that’s why the bartering is a great idea.”

Use your imagination and use the time to turn trash into treasure and create an afternoon of adventure. And for those parents whose busy schedules are so rigorous that time off can be limited to a weekend afternoon, don’t overachieve.

“Another thing I love to do with Megan is go hiking up in the hills,” says Cryns. “That’s another ‘highlight’ in our lives or hanging out at the coffee shop. Everyone knows Megan. When she was younger, she’d go to my guitar classes with me as well. She knew every single song we sang by heart.”

“Your kids need the simple things,” says Klungness. “If you are working a lot and your time has been stretched, your inclination will be to do something spectacular. What your kids probably need is downtime with you. You don’t want to take the day to go four hours to a theme park – they would probably be much happier with dinosaur-shaped pancakes and something simple with lots of contact time, snuggle time, talking time, depending on the age of the child. Go for something where you have the maximum interaction time and avoid the stress and the rush.”

Summertime is a time for making memories, whether it’s sitting down to make a batch of cookies or just sitting and going through a pile of storybooks together. These are the things your kids will remember and this is what they want: time with you when you aren’t frazzled and harried.

“For some reason, my happiest memories of my kids and I spending time together during the summer revolves around swimming, going to the beach and stuff like that,” says Cryns.

There are, of course, the old tried-and-true activities. For example, a visit to a thrift shop with a budget of $20 can produce a huge cardboard box of dress up clothes. Kids love that. Remember the days of camping in the backyard? What about the computer paper that everyone throws away at the office? Recycle it for art projects at home. This is the time of year to pick up a big cardboard box that someone is throwing out that you can bring home for a fort or a castle.

Use your imagination and use the time to turn trash into treasure and create an afternoon of adventure. And for those parents whose busy schedules are so rigorous that time off can be limited to a weekend afternoon, don’t overachieve.

from:
http://www.childrentoday.com/articles/parenting-strategies/solo-summers-2830/4/

End One-Way, Dead-End Conversations Forever! How to Foster Great Communication with Your Children

“How was your day today, sweetheart?”  “Fine.”  What did you do at school?”  “Stuff.”  “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”  “No.”  “Okay.  See you at dinner time.”

This is an actual transcript of a conversation between one poor mom and her elementary school-aged son.  Okay, I admit it: it was a conversation I had with my own son.  It was one of those one-way only/dead-end conversations that petered out before it even began.  It was anything but informative and it left us both feeling cold.

Does this sound familiar?  I hear many parents lament the fact that their kids just don’t talk to them and they feel like they don’t know anything about their children’s lives.  This is a real problem.  Every childhood expert agrees that having a strong emotional/social connection with your children is absolutely key to growing strong, healthy people.

If you aren’t talking with your kids and teens – real, important, connection with a genuine exchange of ideas – you are running the risk of losing out on one of the greatest joys of being a parent.  In order to really know your children, you must have an open line of communication; and the earlier you start the better.  Recent studies show that the toddler who feels heard and connected grows up to be a teen who is willing to open up and communicate more.  This is important work.

Below, you will find some ideas about how to get that connection started and how to keep it nurtured.  I’ve broken them down into age groups, but reading through them all may spark some ideas for you.

Toddler & Preschool:
This age group can be a real challenge when it comes to communicating, but there are definitely ways to get these guys to open up.

• Choose your timing.  A preschooler who has been with 15 other children for several hours will probably feel over-stimulated and overwhelmed. Don’t start interrogating him in the car on the way home!  Let him decompress and relax back into the energy of his home.  Maybe dinner time or bath time is a better choice.
• Toddlers and preschoolers are physical beings.  Believe it or not, they actually listen and process better when they’re on the move.  Take a walk, do some yoga (preschoolers LOVE yoga!) or just sit and kick your feet together.  You may be surprised at how quickly she will open up emotionally and mentally when she’s physically engaged, too.
• Ask leading questions.  “How was your day?” isn’t going to elicit much of a response from a toddler.  Instead, ask his teacher about his favorite activities and people and make sure that you have a basic understanding of how he spends his time at school.  Then you will be armed with the information you need to start a great conversation.  “Did you play with Sarah today?”  “I heard that you were working on a new puzzle today.  Tell me about it.”  “Who sat beside you at circle time today?”  “How did you feel when the butterflies were let loose today?”   These are all leading questions and statements and they are a great way to get your preschooler going.
• Listen for and validate the feelings behind the words.  Preschoolers have amazing imaginations and they don’t yet understand the line between fact and fiction.  You may want to talk about her day, but she might be more interested in telling you a story.  This is a common tool that children use to process experiences in their own lives.  Listen to her story and try to find the emotions that lay beneath the surface.  Her story may just be the key you need to unlock the mystery of her day.

Elementary Ages:
Around the age of eight, children begin to do the dance of separation from their families.  Two steps forward, one step back and often a few side steps to keep us all on our toes.  Keeping the emotional connection as they physically separate is so important, both in terms of today’s emotional health and tomorrow’s ability to feel and process emotions in appropriate ways.  Here are some ideas:

• Just like the preschoolers, asking leading questions can help these guys to open up – especially a question that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.  It can be a simple matter to email your child’s teacher and find out what’s going on in the classroom each week.  Keeping in touch with his teacher can also be an important signal to him that even though he may be more independent these days, he still has parents who will hold him accountable for his actions – and celebrate his successes!
• Make the time, every day, to talk.  Even if it’s just a few minutes, she knows when the connection is there and that helps her to feel safe and empowered.  Don’t let a day go by without having a few minutes of one-on-one time.
• Never shut down a topic of conversation.  You might need to reschedule a topic that he brings up, like when he asks about Santa Clause in line at the grocery store with other kids right behind him.  But make sure that if you can’t talk about something, you reschedule the conversation and follow through with it.  Having hard or emotional conversations now will make him feel like it’s safe for him to bring up difficult topics later.  I know that I particularly want my children to know that they can talk to their parents about absolutely anything.
• Listen for the feelings behind the conversation and validate, validate, validate.  Learning how to handle their emotions can be difficult at this age as they step out of the safety of the home environment and meet challenges with peers, school work, sports and other activities.  It can be so hard to watch the struggle from the sidelines; but, listening for and validating her feelings will let her know that home is still a safe place to explore.  “It sounds like you were really mad when Julie took your place in line.”  “How did you feel when the teacher snapped at you in front of the whole class?”  “How does it make you feel to know that your picture was chosen for the hallway display?”  Not judging.  Just asking.

Pre-Teens and Teens:
Hopefully, by the time your kids are pre-teens, you’ve set the groundwork for great communication and they know that you are a safe sounding board for anything they need to talk about.  Even if this state of Utopia really does exist in your home, you may still experience some bumps along the way.  Check out these ideas:

• Respect his space, emotionally and physically.  If he doesn’t want to talk, there’s no forcing it.  Let him know that you’re there and that he’s loved and appreciated.  At the same time, trust yourself.  If you really feel like he needs a push, push it.  You have to learn when to give and when to push.  Ah, the paradoxes of parenting!
• Eavesdrop on conversations that she has with her friends in front of you – and even join in sometimes.  Becoming “one of the gang” is a great way for your child and her friends to learn to trust your judgment and discretion.  I had a friend in high school whose mom would sit around the kitchen table with us and talk about boys and school for hours.  She was the one we went to with our problems.  Become the parent that your child wants to talk to.
• Keep your agreements.  It’s so easy to loose the respect and trust that we’ve gained over the years of parenting our children.  He is much more likely to remember and act on the one betrayal than the hundreds of supportive moments.  Keep his respect by keeping your word.  He will be much more open to your advice when he respects you.
• Unconditional love and acceptance is key.  Your teen is not going to come to you with her problems if she’s afraid you will judge her.  Let her know that she is loved and accepted for who she is and she will be much more likely to share her struggles with you.
• If you want him to be open about his process, be open with yours.  Trust him with your story and he’ll be much more likely to share his with you.  The best way to gain trust is to put your trust in others.

Remember to keep talking with your child.  Practice makes perfect and communication is definitely an art that requires practice and patience.  You will reap the rewards many times in the years to come.

by: Shelly Walker Shelly@ParentingKeys.com

From http://www.parentingkeys.com/teaching-communication.html

As parent when we hear the words “self-care” it brings to mind bubble bathes  with soft music playing- at least for this writer. Yet how do we take care of ourselves to enable us to care for those around us. Here are a few articles that may help you find that balance.

• How to Relax as a Parent
• Parent Self-Care
• 15 Quick Tips to Shift Gears

As parents we are often looking for great tricks to reduce our spending. In a recent parent forum this was the topic. Yet finding useful ideas that we thought were useful proved to be difficult. We did find an article from Parenting Magazine that had some good ideas. To read it click here.

In a national study of 1,615 parents with children birth to three, revealed that the way parents were raised is a major influence on their own approach to parenting. To read the full report click here FamilyMatters_HR