Helping Children Deal with Divorce

We have long reassured ourselves that children adjust to divorce. Although most adjust, as children of divorce will attest this period can be very painful. Adults can ease the way by following some basic rules:

• Allow your children to love both parents. You may have unresolved issues but don’t make them the child’s issue.
• Be sure the children know that both parents still love and care for them. Find ways for both parents to be involved in the everyday life of the children as much as possible. Include both parents in decisions effecting the children.
• Allow the children to talk about their sadness even though this may make parents feel uncomfortable. Denying the difficulty of this transition will only make it more difficult.
• Make sure the children understand that the divorce is not their fault.
• Maintain as many routines as possible. Parents may have the need to eradicate everything from their old life, children will have as strong a need to hold on.
• Give children permission to talk to or look for support from other adults, as they often feel very alone during a divorce. Provide children with names of friends or family members who could provide that support.