Temper tatrums are a normal part of growing up. All children have them. Often they happen at different stages for different reasons. Sometimes they take you be surprise and sometimes they are predictable. There are no magic cures but there are some successful techniques that can help.
Infants
Infants may cry a lot but they do not have tantrums. They cry because they are tired, hungry, wet, cold or lonely. Crying is their way of letting adults know they need something. Studies show that infants who have their needs met quickly and who are held and comforted when they cry develop a strong sense of security and may actually cry much less later on.
Toddlers
Toddlers throw tantrums for many reasons – some big, some small. Toddlers have tantrums because they get frustrated very easily. Most toddlers have a difficult time expressing themselves and have very few problem-solving skills. Tantrums are most likely to happen when toddlers are tired, hungry or overexcited.
Preschoolers
Preschoolers are less likey to throw tantrums. They are starting to develop more coping skills and are able to communicate better. Some children at this age learn that tantrums can be used to get something they want. If parents give in to demands they may start to see tantrums occur with greater frequency.
How to handle a tantrum
- Try to remain calm. Shaking, spanking, or screaming at your child tends to make the tantrum worse. Set a positive example for your child by remaining in control of yourself and your emotions.
- Pause before you act. Take at least 30 seconds to decide how you are going to respond to the tantrum. Four possible ways are:
- Distract. Try to get your child’s attention focused on something else. If you child screams when you try to take something away, offer something else to play with.
- Remove. Take your child to a quiet, private place to calm down. At home this may be the child’s room or a car. Avoid trying to talk or reason with a screaming child. It doesn’t work. Stay nearby until your child calms down. Then you can talk and return to whatever you were doing.
- Ignore. Older children will sometimes throw tantrums to get attention. If staying in the same room with a screaming child makes you uncomfortable, leave the room.
- Hold. Physically restrain the child if they are out of control and may hurt themselves. You may also want to say something like “I can see you are angry and I am going to hold you until you calm down. I won’t let you hurt me or anyone else.”
- Wait until your child has calmed down before you talk about the situation. Use this opportunity to talk with your child about acceptable ways to handle anger and difficult situations. With practice preschoolers can learn how to ask or help and when they need to go somehwere else to cool off.
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