Plants need water to grow. Children need praise to thrive. There has been a lot written recently in the media about promoting self-esteem in children. Some experts say that praising kids continually is essential for promoting healthy self-esteem in children; others argue that too much praise leads to sloppy work habits and inflated egos. All this contradictory advice can leave parents a little confused when it comes to knowing the best ways and times to compliment children.
The truth is, virtually all child development research shows that the right kind of praise is essential for healthy social and emotional growth in children.
The right kind of praise:
- Compliment real achievement. Good job or great work remarks from teachers or parents on mediocre work make everyone value real achievement less.
- Comments on specific behavior. Adults need to focus on exactly what was done well, with words like, “I noticed you took a lot of extra time cleaning your room today.” Comments like these help children learn to monitor and assess their own behavior.
- Look for patterns of good work, rather than isolated incidents.
- Nudge children to learn from their mistakes. Coaching a child through homework errors, rather than just commenting on the final answers, helps a child develop confidence in their ability to learn from mistakes.
The more children receive focused complimenting and praising, the more the compliments will help your child. By seeing what you choose to praise, your child will gain a sense of why working hard and overcoming obstacles is so important for growth.
